Titillating Talk Tuesdays: Developing Boldness & Confidence to Ask For What You Want

This week’s question on Titillating Talk Tuesday!

shywomanDear Scarlett Fire

I’d like to be more adventuresome in life and between the sheets but I’m too shy to say what I want…any advice?

Ready for more,


Scarlett Fire aka Kari HummerScarlett Fire’s Response

A great  question that I know many women have but are afraid to ask.

First and foremost, you need to develop a sense of BOLDNESS  which is a major turn on for most men.

Here is a fun, exciting game you can play with your partner, right now, to step it up a notch in the bedroom.and feel safe while you’re playing.

  1.  Alone Time: find a time that you can be alone and UNINTERRUPTED – no phones, no kids and no distractions.
  2.  Set the mood:
    • darken the room (this creates a safer feeling to allow intimate talk) or if you are in public chose  a low lit, private location
    • light exotic scented candles to cast flattering lighting and ambience
    • pour a couple of glasses of your favourite wine
      • if you don’t drink find  another exotic beverage or dessert to enjoy together that sets your tastebuds tingling
  3.  Ask him if he would like to play a game
    • If you’re in public, try 20 questions
    • If you’re in a private place try Truth or Dare
    • Or if you are feeling really bold you can play Truth or Dare in public
  4. Create your mutual GROUND RULES!
    • When you play make the rules “No holds barred”
    • Declare that this is a SAFE ZONE with NO JUDGMENT!
      • If either of you are feeling unsafe, neither of you will be comfortable enough to be honest.  And  he may have somethings he wants you to try too!  The game works in both directions.
    • Make sure you both demonstrate that you are ok with whatever the other says with your words, face and body language.  Otherwise,  the trust will be broken and the other may not open up again.
  5.  Now play.
    • Begin by breaking the ice with less risky questions / dares
      • ie/ “IF you could go anywhere on a romantic vacation with me, where would it be”
      • I dare you to stare into my eyes for 30 seconds without looking away
      • What part of my body do you love the most?
    • When you’re ready you can begin to ramp up the questions making them as tame or  naughty as you like.  Below are some examples for both games, 20 Questions and Truth or Dare


  • Playing Games together builds trust, intimacy and communication“IF you could go anywhere on a romantic vacation with me, where would it be?”
  • “Where do you like to be massaged the most on your body?”  This is a fun one to see if he feels safe  😉
  • “If we could pretend to be characters from a movie or show and play out a sexy role, who would you like us to be?”
  • “Have you ever wanted to make love outside?”
  • “Have you ever wanted to lick your favorite ice cream off my body or have me lick it off yours?”
  • ” Where is the most daring place that you fantasize having sex?”
  • ” If I did a dance for you, what song would you like me to dance to?
  • “If you had one fantasy, and no one would be upset, what would it be?”


  • I dare you to kiss my neck for 20 sec
  • I dare you to rub my legs for 5 seconds with oil
  • I dare you to dip a strawberry in chocolate and feed it to me slowly
  • I dare you to take off your shirt and run outside
  • I dare you to kiss me softly and for 15 seconds in public
  • I dare you to do a dance to your favorite song for me.
  • I dare you to tie up my hands and blindfold me ……

Why Play Games to Build Boldness & Confidence?

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Games create a fun, playful atmosphere in which couples can feel safe while creating intimacy.  They are free to be themselves while experiencing something exciting.  They change the mood between each other while creating closeness and attraction between the couple.  Playing games that open communication in a safe and loving way,  is truly affair proofing your marriage.  When you both feel you can get all of your needs met safely without judgment, you will become the ultimate woman he can worship!

These added spicy games can become exhilarating to a relationship if it is done with love and NO JUDGMENT!

How Does This Translate to Everyday Life Outside the Bedroom?

As  with anything new, it  takes work and practice to master.  If you would like to learn more on a deeper basis, try  our Transformational Burlesque program.


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